I've never been a very confident person. Always the shy girl who was very quiet, always missing out on things because of that social anxiety. I liked to keep to myself, be on my own and do things that made me feel comfortable. I made sure not to draw attention to myself because I didn't want anybody to look at me. Yeah, I didn't like the way I looked but I also didn't care. I was always back and forth, "I'm not very pretty, I have too many flaws", "I'm not perfect but I'm still happy with how I look." In the end I excepted that part of me, I have flaws, i'm not perfect but I'm happy with how I look now. Well, except for my crooked teeth but I mean, can you blame me? So, yeah, I've become comfortable with how I look but I never became confident in me. Never confident in what I do or how I act. Those are the things I really want to change. I want to be more social and I want to be more confident in things I do, like drawing but because I'm not I avoid social situations and I'm never happy with my art. Art is everything to me but i'll go forever without drawing something because I feel like I can't draw or it won't turn out well and I don't want to face it.
I'm twenty-three now, tomorrow actually and I want to change. I want to grow up. I've always been terrified of getting older. Every year I dread my new age and every year it comes faster. When I was a teenager I didn't want to be an adult. I'd be forever young if I could be, fly off to Neverland and be happy if it were possible. Now I know that it's not possible and that I must move forward in life. I thought that getting older meant getting old. But I look at it now in such a wonderful way. Your age shows how long you've been living on this earth and that's something to be grateful and proud of. I've lived for 23 years so far, seen some changes and will see many more. I will learn new things everyday and because of that I know I will learn to be more confident in myself. I want to try harder and be a better me. I want to embrace new things and try new things. I will draw as much as I can without giving up and I will keep trying if I fail. I think it's time for me to finally grow up. Not to get old but to get wise and brave. Twenty-three is where everything will begin to change for me and it's a change I'm actually happy about.
Happy Monday everybody !
- Kelsey xx